The 4-year Hiatus

11th April 2025 | 4 minute read

In 2020, I broke up with photography - a hobby that once defined me. Four years later, in October 2024, I finally found my way back to it with a fresh perspective. Why give up something that is your hobby? At that point in time, before I made the decision, I was at my peak, getting loads of likes and slowly getting a few features but I had to give that up. The COVID-19 pandemic forced me indoors, but what truly kept me away was the internal conflict I couldn't resolve — balancing my identity as a photographer with my personal self. It was also my final year in school and first year in university but that still shouldn't be the excuse to disappear for 4 years right? So why exactly?

Was there a mistake that triggered this? I will not lie - it was yes. For starters, I was running my photography account on my personal account. I never showed the people who I encountered in my life anything about my personal life, there was a conflict of interests. With barely any documented photos of myself and for someone who struggled with self-esteem, I realised later in life that this fact was indeed upsetting. The problem with doing photography on my personal account disabled me from putting out personal content, I was more confident in showcasing the craft than myself. The scale was unbalanced and I couldn't bear to move my photography away into another account because the recognition for my photography made me feel appreciated. "What if no one appreciated me for who I am?" I thought to myself. Since there wasn't a solution for this, I thought the best way was to be away from Instagram.

Taking a break from photography turned out to be a blessing in disguise. During this time, I became the manager of my life. I shifted focus — managing my account differently and letting go of the need for validation through likes or followers. Over time, my once photography-dominated account transformed into a space for personal expression, teaching me that fame wasn't as important as finding peace within myself. I gradually accepted that I would no longer be popular — and that was okay. The most important thing was to make myself happy and take this troubled thought away. On the other side, outside of the digital sphere, I went to improve myself as a person. I wasn't in the best shape through many years of studying, mentally and physically. This factor actually affected my photography when I was younger. It's funny right? You may think it's an odd connection but photography helped me cope with depression during my youth. Photography was a form of escapism - a coping mechanism. Now, it's not the case. Like a shipping port, things gradually shifted into place before I finally decided to make a comeback. If my younger self could see where I am now, she'd be proud—proud that I found the courage to confront my struggles and rediscover joy in photography on my own terms.

To this day, I consider photography my lifeline. But now, as a separate entity. When I initially disappeared, I had to resist the temptation to do photography which was like a drug to me. Being validated was important, but the validation wasn't for me, it was for my photography skills. Eventually, life became so busy that I couldn’t escape my responsibilities, and photography faded from my mind. Was it difficult to process that I would miss doing photography? Maybe. The time away made me an even more confident person to share my personal experiences and expertise in photography now.

Honestly, coming back was scary. Instagram changed a lot — its algorithms, reels, and all the other new features aimed at becoming an influential photographer, it instilled a bit of fear into me as I was starting from scratch. But then I reminded myself why I started photography in the first place: not for likes or recognition, but because it brings me joy. Simply having the courage to start felt like both a big leap and immense relief. Once I started, I knew I had to be committed to this craft. I figured there would be a lot of catching up to do, but the good thing about photography is that the methods are more or less the same as before — with the inclusion of film photography now, of course. The familiarity brought comfort and warmth.

I'm glad to be back, not just as a photographer but as someone who has grown through the challenges of finding balance between passion and self-care. Life isn't all or nothing; it's about finding joy in what you love while staying true to yourself.